Confrontations & Realisations
by StaySei
Summary: After confronting herself and her own feelings, Lorna comes to some realisations, having to confront others in the process. Who? For what reason? And will everything go as she planned, was she worth it? (Sorry for the terrible summary!)
1. Chapter 1

(This is the first fanfiction I've written in a few years, and since 'Orange is the new Black' was released. I've got my groove back; I've found characters/storylines I want to write. So here's a Lorna/Nicky fanfic for your pleasure, it's not going to be a happy journey, so please expect some angst whilst reading. I'm uploading the first two chapters I've written to get a general consensus on feedback, and if it's something people would like to read more of. In which case, I'll get writing more! Stacey.)

**1**

It had been three weeks, three weeks since she held the hand of somebody she loved, three weeks since they laughed together, three weeks after her incarceration since he last visited her. Three weeks was now well over a year ago. And the only question Lorna seemed capable of asking, was, why?

Lorna was sat on her bed, knees against chest, looking at her Bora Bora collage- the one she hid away from Nicky, the one on which she had spent so much time in creating. Bora was a dream for her, for Christopher. So many times had they discussed their plans-to-be after Lorna's release date, Bora, a wedding, no more dodgy dealings/the internet, each other. Each other, Lorna inwardly grimaced at the thought. It had been over a year since Christopher last came to visit her. To make matters worse, no letters were being replied to, and the audacity! One was returned! All phone calls went ignored, visiting orders only filled in by Lorna. And again, the only thing she could ask herself, was, why? This wasn't their plan; they were supposed to be happy, to be together, to have more money! But of course, whatever was above, it decided to be cruelly unfair to Lorna, she was the one locked up, forgotten about, whilst Christopher was living the high life with whatever money they earned, and funnily enough, Lorna never saw a penny of it. Ironic. She quickly laughed, then kicked the collage off of the bed, not caring about the photos that fell off, or pieces which crumpled. "Fuck you Christopher" she spoke in the popular Brooklyn drawl which seemed to have more admirers on the dorm, than Alex Vause's glasses did!

A voice called from the end of the dorm. "Bitch. Shut the hell up!" Whoever's voice it was, it shook Lorna out of the trance that she seemed to be in. She stood up and ran, ran as fast as her legs would take her. Everything seemed to be a blur, faces seemed distorted, colours were dark, voices mumbling together in deep unison. Her legs grew weak, her breaths grew sharper, she felt sick. Turning the corner, she stopped at the chapel door and blessed herself before entering.

The door opened with a creak, startling whoever it was sat at the front, Lorna jumped in fright, expecting to be alone, her hand clasped at her mouth as she tried to ascertain who the person was. Ever since the roof caved in, and after Piper and Janae's 'attempt' at fixing it, the chapel had to rely on candlelight. It made for a haunting, albeit, equally serene sight.

Lorna tiptoed to the front, not wanting to disturb the peace, but curious to see who else was there at such a time. In a whisper, she spoke, "Hello?"  
The person turned around, Tiffany. Lorna wanted to run for it, afraid that the girl would call upon God and condemn her for all her activities with Nicky. But this Tiffany, she seemed different? Her eyes were Red; a lone tear ran down her cheek.  
"Do you ever feel like he's a myth? Something for us to hope and pray for, yet nothing ever seems to come of it?" Tiffany spoke quietly, looking straight past Lorna and focusing on some of the chipped paint on the wall. She willed herself not to cry, if word got out about THE Tiffany Doggett, crying, questioning the existence of God, she'd be even more of a laughing stock, a hate figure, her own friends would turn against her.  
"Part of me wants to, my misfortunes, when I spoke and nobody listened. I wanted him to not be real. But some moments in my life weren't down to luck, or chance. I think it was the man above who willed them to happen, you know?" Lorna herself was in the same predicament, she didn't want to be weak and question her faith, and especially not open up about Christopher to her, it would be all the ammunition she'd ever need.

"Whatever you're going through Tiff, as clichéd as it may sound, it'll get better." Lorna offered a faint smile before leaving, and leaving Tiffany even more confused.

"Our father, who art in heaven…"


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter 2: Chapter 2**

**2**

Lorna arrived back in her bunk, feeling a lot calmer than she did before, ever since she was a small girl attending Sunday Mass with her Grandma, Church, it was a place of serenity for her, and within prison, it was her escape. Her peace however, was disturbed when she was Nicky sat on the end of her bed.  
"Nick, it's late, what are you doing?" Lorna spoke with a whisper, not wanting to wake any of the girls who were now sleeping.  
"I could ask you the same thing…" Nicky shifted and allowed Lorna to sit alongside her before carrying on. "Yoga said you ran out of here? Looked like you were gonna cry?"  
"She's just getting pissy because I've been getting a bit lax in doing my shapes…" Lorna's eyes didn't move from the floor, one look at Nicky and she'd be gone."  
"It's ok."  
"Why'd you run Kid?"  
"I needed to be alone, to think. Went to the chapel but Doggett was there. Didn't feel like staying, came back. Is that what you wanted?"  
"You know what I want." Nicky winked, trying to inject some humour back into the conversation.  
"How is it possible for a girl to be such a sleaze?!" Lorna asked in mock shock.  
"Never complained before."  
"Christopher."  
Nicky saw Lorna's eyes change at the mention of his name, she knew, the other girls knew. Most of the partners weren't a Larry, they wouldn't wait, they wouldn't be faithful. Christopher had all the tell-tale symptoms of moving on, not visiting in over a year, now answering Lorna's calls, and not replying to her letters. It broke her heart. Lorna was a genuinely good person, and in the confinements of prison, where every woman was for herself, where you could trust no one, Lorna was selfless. She'd do anything for anyone, regardless of who anyone was. She was happy-go-lucky. It hurt Nicky to see Lorna holding onto something that clearly wasn't there; she didn't have the heart to tell her again. He was her future, her reason for waking in the morning, her reason for being there. All she could do was support her friend.  
"Christopher." Lorna spoke his name again.  
"Christopher?"  
"I overthought about him today. I've planted a seed Nick. I can't stop thinking about it. I don't know what to do."  
"What do you want to do?" Nicky wiggled her eyebrows, resulting in an incredulous look from Lorna.  
"Know what the hell's going on!" Why he's being such an ignorant pig of a jerk?"  
Nicky moved closer to Lorna and placed a hand upon her knee, she could see the turmoil Lorna was going through, she didn't want to pry, or push. When Lorna wanted to talk, that's when she'd ask.  
"He's a pig who doesn't deserve you." Nicky's blunt statement elicited a smile from the girl. She needed it.  
"What do I do? I just want answers; I can't keep waiting and hoping for nothing." Lorna sighed and placed her head upon Nicky's shoulder.  
"What do YOU do? Nothing. We're both going to figure something out and get answers."  
"I'd be lost without you."  
"Thank me later." Lorna couldn't help but smirk at Nicky's forthrightness and elbowed the girl in her side."  
"We'll see."  
"Christopher."  
"After deal with the problem that is him, deal?"  
"Don't hold your breath."  
"You always make me."  
They both smiled at the wittiness of their conversation, it was nice to joke and flirt so openly since Lorna ended the situation between them. Nicky missed it, and truth be told, so did Lorna. Nicky was very welcome to her, she treat her well, she looked after her, and her needs, a faint blush crept up Lorna's cheeks at the thought. Her own guilt, the fact she was engaged, it felt wrong to her. Quickly looking up at Nicky, she thought to herself, "Wrong, but right." Confusion didn't even begin to describe how she felt.  
"I'm gonna go, don't wanna get caught out late. Meet me in the chapel first thing Lorn, we'll talk more then." Nicky resigned herself to the fact that she had to leave, she peeled herself away from Lorna and stood at the entrance to the bunk.  
"Is that one a deal?"  
"Yes. I'll see you then, g'night." As Nicky exited, they both smiled, it felt familiar, nice, and when in prison, such things were more important than anything else.


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter 3: Chapter 3**

**3**

**(Apologies that the format reads different this chapter, I just purchased a new Mac today, so I'm still searching around for a suitable word processor! If I can't find one that I get used to, please get used to this format :-)**

Nicky woke with a startle, it had been a rough night's sleep for her; constant snoring, footsteps, doors, and one she didn't want to hear...the sound of self-gratification by some of the women. She got up from the window, it was a cold winter's morning, the grass was still frozen, the window foggy. In the fog, she wrote three simple letters, BBB. It reminded her of Lorna's childlike ways, her innocence, her naivity. That's when it hit her, she was supposed to be meeting her in the chapel! Cursing herself, she quickly put on her trainers and left.

Lorna was sat in her Yoga jumper in the middle of the seating, it was a cold day, being in the chapel, it was unnecessarily colder. She idly played with the cross around her neck, hoping it would distract her from the temperature. The sound of the door slamming soon alerted her that someone had entered.

"You look like you've just seen a ghost." Spoke Nicky as she sat alongside Lorna.

"I'm freezing. You know how much I hate the cold Nick!"

"Give me your hand."

Lorna raised an eyebrow, but proceeded to do as she was told. Nicky took the hand and placed it between her own, both smiling at the small act of affection.

"Better?"

"Much."

"So what do you want to do about the situation?"

"Just know what's happening, you know? I want answers so I can get on with my life in here. I don't want to hurt anymore Nicky." Lorna desperately tried to ensure that her voice didn't falter, she failed. Here was the one person who actively listened to her, who gave her the time of day, the one person who put Lorna's needs above their own. She looked at Nicky, and then down to their hands which Nicky had placed between her knees. That's when it hit her, in that moment in time, Nicky was everything that Christopher wasn't...there. There and she cared. A lump grew in her throat, she was an engaged woman! She shouldn't be doubting that, and that's what hurt her even more. Nicky saw that words were failing her and decided to speak.

"Can I speak? Me to you? As Nicky, as a friend."

"Sure."

"It fucking kills me to see you like this, to see someone treating you this way. I'm going to be honest in what I say now, and I'm sorry if it hurts. I look at it as any logical person would, he won't answer your calls, letters, and he hasn't visited you? It all adds up. What advice would you give to somebody else in this situation?" Nicky squeezed Lorna's hand for reassurance, they were alone, all in her own time. Lorna exhaled.

"I'd tell them he's left, he's moved on. I've read so many of these stories in the magazines Nick."

"YOU are the story." And out of nowhere, the bluntness of Nicky's sentence, the face she said it. It hit her, harder than Christopher ever. It was once. She didn't allow her mind to go there again.

"How will I know?" Lorna's voice was close to breaking.

"His mamma..." Nicky replied in the most stereotypical Italian accent she could muster.

"Good idea, bad accent." Lorna smirked. She could be having the worst day ever, but no matter what, Nicky was always there to provide the laughter.

"I'm being serious. She's his Mom, and he won't have to break it to you himself."

"I have her number somewhere."

"You never thought of this all the time you've been in here?!"

"Have you met his mother?!"

"No."

"She's butcher than big and scarier than a pitbull." Lorna's voice spoke deadpan. Her seriousness caused Nicky to burst out laughing.

"We'll do it later, and then that mind of yours can be finally be put to rest..."

The door to the chapel burst open, no words were spoken, all that could be heard was the sound of fumbling and laughter. Whatever it was, it was noisy. It completely ruined their moment. Nicky turned around.

"...The fuck?!" What she saw was Alex holding Piper up against the wall.

"Are they fighting?"

"That's not a fight Lorn." Nicky coughed, drawing their attention. Hands were removed from pants, Piper pushed Alex away and spoke incredulously in a tone a few pitches higher than usual.

"YOU SAID IT WOULD BE EMPTY!"

"How was I supposed to know?! I thought these two weren't talking! Lesbian drama all around I see." Alex looked towards the pair and smirked.

"I am not a lesbian!"

"We can leave."

"I'm leaving. Nevermind." Lorna exited the chapel. Furious, embarrassed, they were both understatements.

"You two are the ones supposed to be not talking. You don't have a clue what she's going through, so think before speaking next time Vause. Douche move." Nicky glared at Alex and followed after Lorna.

"Do you have to be so brass at times?"

"Do you have to be so noisy?" Alex couldn't resist, the sexual innuendoes, the jokes, it was oh-so-easy to her.

"You're incorrigible."

Nicky eventually caught up with Lorna in the corridor, who, was walking like she was a woman on a mission. Instinct telling her something was wrong, Nicky ran and stood in front of Lorna, a lump in her throat at the sight, she was crying.

"Lorna. Please talk to me."

"I'm not a lesbian Nick."

"There's no problem if you are?"

"I'm not anything Nick! Actually, the only thing I am right now, is hurting!" Lorna's outburst took them both by surprise, she was breaking. Instead of stopping her, Nicky let her do, or whatever she needed to, it would be better for her, she was a woman possessed. Lorna grabbed Nicky by the hand and threw her against the wall.

"You."

"Me?! What the fuck Morello?!" Nicky resorted to the girl's surname, she didn't dare say otherwise. She knew Lorna had a short tempter, but never before had she seen her like this. Lorna walked towards Nicky, eyes boring into each other. She walked right up to her.

"Yes, you." Lorna broke the silence as she placed a hand by the side of Nicky's head and simply looked at her.

"Seriously. You're creeping me out."

"Be quiet Nick."

"Lorna."

"Nicky." As soon as the words left Lorna's mouth, that's when Nicky saw it, the lust in her eyes, it was primal. It was intimate, when the two had encounters previously, it was sexual, needy, desperate. What Nicky saw in Lorna's eyes wasn't any of that. And what Lorna did next, Nicky almost died. She took both of her hands in her own, placing them against the wall above her head.

"Do it."

Both of them knew what was coming next, and neither of them could, or would stop it. The act for which everything, had been preparation. Lorna captured Nicky's lips in her own, tongues dulled for dominance, fingers ran through hair. That's when they knew nothing would be the same again.


End file.
